Top, Bottom, Middle: Senior Kaile Gannon hits highs and rebounds from lows on, off court

Laura Clark / Nelson County Times
Published: January 23, 2008

She forgets that as a sophomore she learned she had Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, which meant she was born without a cervix and a uterus, and explained why she hadn't started her period.

She forgets that as a junior her only ovary had a tumor and was removed, prompting her body to begin menopause.

She forgets that she'll have to take birth control pills for their estrogen until she's about 65, when she can go through the night sweats, mood swings and hot flashes all over again.

Then Gannon climbs over the precipice of Humpback Rocks, her favorite climbing spot, and back into the reality that she will never give birth to a child.

"When I was in the doctor's office, I really wanted to tear down everything that was on the walls," Gannon said. "Everywhere I looked I saw pregnant women and little signs saying this is what you do when you're pregnant. I was pacing down the hall, just counting and breathing, counting and breathing. That's how I was able to walk out of the office without causing massive destruction.

"I thought it was really unfair, and it made me really angry and really sad. It's hard not to be in control of something, especially your body. That's yours."

Getting through a day of school became an emotional exercise. Trying to have some sense of normalcy, like playing for the varsity basketball team, often falls short for Gannon.

"I still love to play, but I've lost a lot of the fire I used to have," she said. "A part of me, it didn't die, but it wasn't the same. Sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to be on that court, but then other times I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something else that high schoolers don't do."

Over the last two years, Gannon has found hope in planning for the future. Her experience in a sterile hospital made her want to go to developing countries and build medical clinics for children.

She wants to go to college and make enough money to adopt and foster children, because although seeing a pregnant woman is upsetting, being around children is a source of joy.

"Kaile continues to be very nurturing and protective of everybody, children, animals, me, people she loves and strangers," her mother, Sandy, said. "She hasn't hardened that part of her. I'm very proud of her for that."

If Gannon is able to talk about her experience openly and eloquently, it is because she's turned it over and over in her head. She has rarely reached out for support, feeling no one could relate and not wanting to bring others down.

"I think it's taken Kaile a while to process it all," Sandy said. "I think she internalized it early on. I think it's still very painful for her."

Part of telling her story is therapeutic, and part of it is to educate people about Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome.

"I think to myself, I'm lucky, because I'm still a woman. A lot of people say, 'Well this happened to me, so I can't do this.' In my situation, emotionally it holds me back sometimes, and I barrel through it."

When Gannon begins to feel overwhelmed, she takes off on long, aimless drives or goes out with friends. She likes the distraction of helping others with their problems, making them smile. And she loves the challenge of rock climbing.

"Rock climbing is symbolic. If you really think about it, you start at the bottom, and then you climb to the top," she said. "But in my situation and the places I climb, I'm at the top first. See, I started with an awesome frame of mind that I can do anything. Then I climbed down and went through a really, really bad rocky time. Then I climbed back up."

Gannon's progress may be getting through one day without crying, as her emotions are still volatile. Her voice drops to a whisper when she thinks of where she is now.

"I want to be at the top," she said. "Some days I'm at the top. Some days I'm not. Some days I'm at the bottom. Some days I'm in the middle."

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